The summer stall

umbrellasource

Happy Monday! How was your weekend? It was pretty hot and humid here and it actually felt like August for the first time this month. I realized that I may not have crossed everything off on my summer bucket list but I came pretty close. And I’m planning on getting in my fair share of  Coldstone’s “All lovin’ no oven” before fall rolls around.

I wrote a post for today last Thursday evening. The words were flowing and I knocked it out in no time. It didn’t save. It was wiped. Gone forever. And I wanted to scream mother f#&*@!g obscenities. Correction, I did scream mother f#&*@!g obscenities.

I’m going to use this as a metaphor for my summer. Since it’s the last week of August,  it’s pretty safe to say that I have no clue where life has gone these past few months. Just like writing my blog post, the days seemed to effortlessly pass by, I was having fun and enjoying the lazy, warm days, until suddenly, summer is gone,  never to be seen again. (Well until next year, but for all intents and purposes and being in a dramatic mood, it’s forever in my book.)

This fact has very much sunk in and filled me with anxiety and a sense of urgency. How am I going to make sure that I make the most out of every last day of summer? What will become of me when I no longer have leisurely mornings, CrossFit friends to laugh with, a flexible schedule, and a place to live rent-free? What am I going to do with all of these unknowns? Where do I go from here?

rushing through lifesource

And I don’t have an answer. Not even close to an answer. I just have a lot of doubts; in myself, my future, and my relationships. I’m dragging my feet with all the energy I can muster. I desperately want my own space again, to be financially independent, have a change of scenery, and be out of my comfort zone. So why am I stalling?

I know that it’s going to be work. I know that it’s not going to be easy. And there will most likely be tears. These are all valid reasons to stall and never want summer to end. But I can’t let them keep holding me back. I’m getting impatient and it’s time that I take responsibility and own up to the fact that I can work harder and understand that everything will work out just fine.

So with this last week of August, if you are feeling rushed and anxious about summer coming to a close, know that you aren’t alone. I’m right along there with you. I know that with the change of season will come a whole lot of change for my life as well. I’m trying to let go of the tight grip I have on summer, embrace it, and relax. Having no sense of control over what the next month holds is unsettling. But if I learned anything this summer, it’s that life will never slow down and wait for me to catch up and feel ready for the next thing. It will pass me by and I have to make it a priority to stop rushing around to enjoy it. So even though I’ve got a lot to figure out, I want to make it a point to enjoy what the last of this glorious season has to offer.

Have a great week!

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