The first snowfall of the season happened today. I looked out our balcony doors and found an already blanketed yard with fresh snow continuing to fall. And all morning as I sat on our couch with my computer in my lap and programming workouts for my clients, the snow didn’t let up. It was a reminder to me that this life moves way too quickly. I feel like last Christmas was only yesterday. As 2016 comes to a close, my mind inevitably turns to reflection.
I decided to bundle up and lace up my running shoes and get outside. I’ve been craving fresh air and the outdoors very much lately despite the colder temperatures and the falling snow. I began to walk and took a deep breath and realized that all I heard was the snow crunching beneath my feet and nothing else. Snow has that wonderful way of quieting the world around you.
I kept walking and brought my pace up to a slow run. I had no idea what time I had left my apartment, how long I planned to be gone, or how fast my pace was. I didn’t care about any of those things. As I continued to run, I started to think about this past year. Indeed it was a year of some exciting milestones (turning 30 and getting engaged to Tom), but it was also a year in which I had hit a new level of frustration with my current job and I unfortunately was still feeling very stuck professionally.
As I often do when I’m running alone, I started up a conversation with God. I guess you could call it praying but sometimes I think that sounds a bit too formal. I really just start in the middle as if we’ve been in conversation all along (which I guess we have been). I let him know how grateful I am for the wonderful life I’ve been blessed with. I let him know that I really do realize how good I have it. But there is a part of me that realizes I’m not living to my full potential. I know I can be doing better professionally. I’m so exhausted counting every penny I make and spend and hope that I have enough leftover to buy some Christmas gifts this year. All of the hustling around I’ve been doing these past six years hasn’t really amounted to anything. And I’m stuck and feeling very lost.
I realized that the frustration I’ve been feeling with my clients (I can’t help you if you aren’t willing to help yourself!) might be the exact frustration God feels with me. So as I continue on my run and make a stop at the pond, I know that I need to put in my own work with God. I need to be open to new things, more giving of my time, and seek Him through worship and study.
As I loop back towards home, I realize that my mind is quiet just like my surroundings. I feel like I can breathe a bit deeper and with ease. Nothing tangible has changed. But my perspective has definitely shifted.
I guess Lorelai was right about that first snow. It really is magic.