Lately

christmas lights 2source

I’ve been dealing with more anxiety than usual lately. In all forms-sleep anxiety (I have to sleep well tonight because it’ll be a long day tomorrow), food anxiety (did I need that brownie and ice cream?), workout anxiety (I should have gone to the gym today), financial anxiety (I still have several gifts to buy for Christmas and I just don’t have the funds to support this season right now), and professional anxiety (we had a setback and now our timeline is pushed further out than anticipated. My motivation is waning and I feel tired). I have gotten to the end of each day feeling completely depleted. I can’t wait until my head hits the pillow. I didn’t understand why I felt this way until I sat down today to write. I think my anxiety has been getting the best of me this week.

There was a super moon on Sunday evening but I missed it and on Monday it was rainy and overcast all day so I missed it that night too. Finally, as I drove home from work on Tuesday evening, I caught a glimpse of the moon. It was huge and bright and beautiful. It made me stop. It pulled me out of my thoughts and suddenly I was thinking about the bigger picture. Our moon is small in comparison to Earth. Earth is only the fifth largest planet in our solar system. Our solar system is so small in comparison to the Milky Way that if we put it in relative physical scale terms, the solar system would be the size of a quarter and the Milky Way would be the size of the continental U.S. (thank you Wikipedia). And the Milky Way is just another galaxy among billions of other galaxies. As I sat in my car waiting for the light to change, I couldn’t help but feel completely self-centered in the anxiety I was feeling throughout my day. My life is small. I think that I have problems but I really don’t. Everything that I had been worrying about didn’t matter.

I don’t have an answer to any of the big questions in life; Why am I here? What am I here to do? What is the meaning of this short life we are given? But I do know one thing for sure. We weren’t meant to worry our lives away on stupid shit. Our headspace was meant for bigger things than “I shouldn’t have eaten that brownie! I feel so fat!” or “This person is impossible to buy for. I’m never going to get it right.” God created us to amount to more. This month in particular we are meant to celebrate, laugh, enjoy each other, spend time together, and believe in something bigger than ourselves. Apparently I just needed to get quiet, look up, and have the moon act as my reminder of this simple truth.

So on this Friday morning, maybe you are feeling thankful it’s the end of the week because it has been a week. If that’s the case, maybe find solace in the fact that you are never alone, we all struggle, and most importantly ask yourself “Does this matter?” Because almost always when I really think about it, it just doesn’t matter. We can let it go. It’s not worth the energy it takes to worry about it. That energy can go into love, connection, grace, and understanding.

I hope that you are able to get outside this weekend, take in some fresh air, and maybe have nature act as your reminder that you are not your anxiety and stress. You can allow yourself to let go, breathe, and enjoy this season.

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