Lately

christmas lights 2source

I’ve been dealing with more anxiety than usual lately. In all forms-sleep anxiety (I have to sleep well tonight because it’ll be a long day tomorrow), food anxiety (did I need that brownie and ice cream?), workout anxiety (I should have gone to the gym today), financial anxiety (I still have several gifts to buy for Christmas and I just don’t have the funds to support this season right now), and professional anxiety (we had a setback and now our timeline is pushed further out than anticipated. My motivation is waning and I feel tired). I have gotten to the end of each day feeling completely depleted. I can’t wait until my head hits the pillow. I didn’t understand why I felt this way until I sat down today to write. I think my anxiety has been getting the best of me this week.

There was a super moon on Sunday evening but I missed it and on Monday it was rainy and overcast all day so I missed it that night too. Finally, as I drove home from work on Tuesday evening, I caught a glimpse of the moon. It was huge and bright and beautiful. It made me stop. It pulled me out of my thoughts and suddenly I was thinking about the bigger picture. Our moon is small in comparison to Earth. Earth is only the fifth largest planet in our solar system. Our solar system is so small in comparison to the Milky Way that if we put it in relative physical scale terms, the solar system would be the size of a quarter and the Milky Way would be the size of the continental U.S. (thank you Wikipedia). And the Milky Way is just another galaxy among billions of other galaxies. As I sat in my car waiting for the light to change, I couldn’t help but feel completely self-centered in the anxiety I was feeling throughout my day. My life is small. I think that I have problems but I really don’t. Everything that I had been worrying about didn’t matter.

I don’t have an answer to any of the big questions in life; Why am I here? What am I here to do? What is the meaning of this short life we are given? But I do know one thing for sure. We weren’t meant to worry our lives away on stupid shit. Our headspace was meant for bigger things than “I shouldn’t have eaten that brownie! I feel so fat!” or “This person is impossible to buy for. I’m never going to get it right.” God created us to amount to more. This month in particular we are meant to celebrate, laugh, enjoy each other, spend time together, and believe in something bigger than ourselves. Apparently I just needed to get quiet, look up, and have the moon act as my reminder of this simple truth.

So on this Friday morning, maybe you are feeling thankful it’s the end of the week because it has been a week. If that’s the case, maybe find solace in the fact that you are never alone, we all struggle, and most importantly ask yourself “Does this matter?” Because almost always when I really think about it, it just doesn’t matter. We can let it go. It’s not worth the energy it takes to worry about it. That energy can go into love, connection, grace, and understanding.

I hope that you are able to get outside this weekend, take in some fresh air, and maybe have nature act as your reminder that you are not your anxiety and stress. You can allow yourself to let go, breathe, and enjoy this season.

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What I learned this fall (September-November)

img_0450As November nears its end this week, I realized it was time to write my season summary. These past three months have been a complete whirlwind. September began with our wedding, an amazing trip to New York for a reunion with friends, numerous meetings with banks in regards to a business loan, turning 31 at the beginning of October, celebrating Tom’s 28th birthday a week after, taking a trip out to Colorado, starting and then abruptly stopping a Whole30, celebrating my mom’s birthday, Friendsgiving, running the Berbee Derby, and finally celebrating Thanksgiving. And that brings us right up to speed. Here are a few things the past few months have offered me in knowledge… Continue reading “What I learned this fall (September-November)”

the good ol’ days

laptop and coffeesource

I’ve been learning a tough lesson the past decade and I still can’t seem to fully grasp it. It trips me up constantly especially when I’m in a place of total overwhelm. But I’m beginning to get it, even if only a little bit more each year of my life. And here it is…where you are right now, this very minute, these are the good ol’ days. Inevitably, some day in the future, I will look back at this very point in my life and say to myself, “Those were the good ol’ days. I thought it was tough, but I had no idea how good I had it.” Continue reading “the good ol’ days”

Lately

Good morning! I wasn’t able to write last week and I feel like an update post and sharing some of my favorite links from the week is a great start!

It’s Friday and we have made our way into another month! I glanced at our November calendar hanging on our kitchen wall and it looks be a full month, but not in a hectic and loathsome way. There are Saturdays marked with mornings at work, a Friendsgiving, two Thanksgivings with family, the 5k Berbee Derby on Thanksgiving morning, Tom’s drill dates for the Army, a date night penciled in, my mom’s birthday, and work meetings scattered around. I get to work this Saturday morning and then head over to a friend’s house for a home-cooked meal and some much-needed girlfriend time. It’s been a super fast week over here and a really great one too. Tom and I got back from our short trip to Colorado on Sunday afternoon and had plenty of time to hit the grocery store, do some laundry, and cook dinner before the week began.  Continue reading “Lately”

Friday thoughts 

On Wednesday morning Tom and I decided to take a short trip to Devil’s Lake in the morning. We had just bought some new hiking shoes in preparation for our trip to Rocky Mountain National Park and wanted to try them out. We didn’t have any meetings to attend and no pressing things to do that morning, so we decided to take advantage. It was a perfect fall day. The sun was shining and the park smelled like that wonderful sweet leaves smell I can’t get enough of this time of year. img_0387 Continue reading “Friday thoughts “